A Break from the Uniform: Reflections on a Year of Isolation and Introspection
I learned that the Army would be sending me full-time to graduate school halfway through a ten-day field exercise. To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. After eight years of consistently worrying about others, I was given an entire year to focus solely on my family and personal development, free from the grind of daily military life. I envisioned a life without early morning wakeups, field time, or weekends away from home. I dreamed of campus amenities and college football games (with a bit of academics sprinkled in!). The Covid-19 Pandemic quickly derailed these hopes. Instead, I was greeted with a year of distance learning, virtual classrooms, and plenty of time for reflection. Without the in-person demands of graduate school, I had to find and craft my own raison d’etre. A year later, I learned some lessons that will prepare me for life after the uniform, whenever it may come. These are my five key takeaways.
The military imposes certain structures and norms for a reason. Wherever you find yourself, keep those habits with you. You might be surprised by the positive physical, mental, and spiritual results.
- Build a Life Outside of the Military
The military unwittingly or intentionally (depending upon whom you ask) fosters dependency. The average time between permanent change of station moves is two years. Every imaginable amenity can be found on a military base. Between daily tasks, deployments, and training, servicemembers have little free time. The time we do have is usually spent recovering, traveling, or catching up with family and friends. There is minimal incentive to engage with the local community, dedicate time to hobbies, or develop interests independent of the uniform. How can you be expected to build a life outside of the military when the military dominates your life? Try not to let your service consume you. One day, be it one year from now or thirty, your military career will end. What will you have left? Nobody wants to be stuck clinging to the past because they are dissatisfied with the present. Foster positive relationships with friends and family, participate in the community, and dedicate time to non-military interests. If you do so, the inevitable transition to civilian life will be that much easier. Despite attending graduate school virtually, I developed friendships with classmates outside of the military from all different walks of life. Investing in these relationships enhanced my perspective, improving my ability to be a soldier, leader, and friend.
- Develop Empathy for Those Close to You
A few weeks into graduate school, I found myself in unfamiliar territory. My wife had started a new job, and with plenty of time available, I had assumed cooking duties. Expecting her home at six-thirty, I prepared the meal, set the table, and kept an eye on the door. Six-thirty came and went with no news. Then six-forty-five. And finally, seven. An hour later, she walked through the threshold. Hungry and impatient, I greeted her with a terse “you could have told me you would be late.”
In this moment, I gained an appreciation for all of the sacrifices she made in choosing to marry a service member. I chose the Army. My spouse chose me.
This comment triggered an epiphany. I was experiencing a small taste of the life she had been subjected to throughout our entire marriage. How many times had I come home hours later than I should have? How many nights, holidays, or family gatherings had I missed due to field time or deployments? In this moment, I gained an appreciation for all of the sacrifices she made in choosing to marry a service member. I chose the Army. My spouse chose me.
- Maintain a Healthy Perspective
Before assuming a leadership position, my commander gave me an analogy. He told me that we are all paper cups. We do our job holding water, but ultimately, we are discarded. Another paper cup is always ready to hold water just the same. The active duty military has one and a half million uniformed personnel. You can tack on another two million if counting the National Guard and Reserves. Each of us are small, replaceable, cogs in a gigantic machine. The largest service’s song encapsulates this best – no matter what “the Army goes rolling along.” Keep this in mind throughout your career. Regardless of your personal successes or failures, the institution will continue moving forward. Instead of relishing in accomplishments or dwelling on mistakes – learn, stay humble, and do your best.
- Reinforce Good Habits
Some aspects of the military are consistent regardless of where you are stationed. Two that immediately come to mind are early mornings and physical training. Virtual graduate school cast me headfirst into a world without structure. As long as I submitted assignments on time and maintained grades, there were no rules. I quickly found myself struggling to maintain a routine. Bedtimes extended past midnight, and wakeups stretched to late morning. Gym routines were inconsistent, and academics took a backseat to Netflix. As I strayed from the good habits I had developed in the military, maintaining productivity and efficiency became a struggle. After some reflection, I implemented two rules. My day would start early, and begin with physical training. Unfortunately, I lacked the willpower and motivation to accomplish this on my own. So I turned to my old Army habits, enlisting “battle buddies” to hold me accountable. Luckily, two classmates agreed to join the morning workouts. With this basic structure in place, my productivity, and more importantly, my mental health improved. The military imposes certain structures and norms for a reason. Wherever you find yourself, keep those habits with you. You might be surprised by the positive physical, mental, and spiritual results.
- Stay Self-Aware
After my first graduate school class, a longtime military friend and classmate gave me some much-needed feedback. “We’re discussing public policy, not briefing an Operations Order, it’s okay to tone it down.” I thought I was toning it down. After eight years in the military, I had lost touch with how I was being perceived. Communication involves much more than the spoken word. Be sure to understand the audience you’re addressing and the message you wish to convey. All people are not responsive to direct and candid comments. Employ emotional intelligence and tailor your approach to the intended audience. For me, a trusted friend provided the reality check I desperately needed.
Final Thoughts
All of our professional careers will end. The question is, will we be ready? It is easy to allow your military service to define you. It is much more difficult to craft your own purpose.
All of our professional careers will end. The question is, will we be ready? It is easy to allow your military service to define you. It is much more difficult to craft your own purpose. After this year, I feel more prepared for the challenges that accompany life after the uniform. Change is never easy, but small steps taken now can make that inevitable transition a little easier.
CPT Jake Conrad is an active duty Army Armor officer serving as a Joint Chiefs of Staff Intern at the Pentagon.